Embracing Weird

I am strange is an understatement.

For years, I tried to fight who I am by changing myself. But over time, I realized that I have been doing a great injustice to myself with what I have been doing. I cannot recall the exact moment where I started to accept who I am, but it has really helped me a lot in coming to terms with myself and other issues of life.

The last few days have been tough. I had to make super adult choices and take on responsibilities that are truly beyond my years. Perched on my shoulders are new challenges that require a lot of insight, wisdom, organization, and determination. I am paying for the shortcomings of the past, gaining a steady footing for the present, and bracing myself for the future.

I want to say that I am being tough, but actually there are moments this week where I felt like just throwing in the towel and giving up. I was more of a wimp. Fortunately, I have not given up just yet. I just need some more time to adjust.

Thanks to my good friend Nonoy’s blog, I discovered about Tweepi and I started managing my Twitter account. It surprisingly came to a point where I have to have automated functions to manage my following activity. I started following back those people who have been following for quite a while. I still have to get back to Tweepi to complete this task.

I was surprised to discover that I have some followers who read this blog regularly and they DMed and mentioned me the last few days. I find myself a bit embarrassed/shy because sometimes I commit blog diarrhea and wear my heart on my sleeve without thinking that I am actually showing my inner self to a bunch of people who are visiting this site willingly.

Taking comfort in my strangeness, I realize that it was not really so bad to blaze a trail and be the odd ball in a bunch. It’s okay. Growing up with it was hell. Staying in a very cut-throat corporate setting also proved to be a major challenge.

But despite that, I have somehow liked myself enough to accept that it comes with a package of good and bad. I just need to come to terms with who I am and express myself authentically with activities that nourish me in all aspects. What works for another may not exactly work for me. But that’s fine. That’s what make life so beautiful. It is in our diversity that we find a cosmic balance and excitement that would not otherwise be there if we were all the same. 

I pay dearly for my weird actions and thoughts. Often, it gets misunderstood even by those that I like to impress. But it’s okay. I have learned to deal with that reality and somehow, it’s good to know that life can sail on upward and forward even when you don’t always take the usual route or react the usual way.

Immense gratitude is what I feel at this moment. Immense gratitude for the ability to accept who I am and also for the people in the online world who are reaching out and bringing in a timely and encouraging word when I need it most. Strangely, I find more accepting people online than in the offline world. And I’m mighty thankful for that.

So yes, here’s a post to embracing weirdness in myself and in others (with the exception of homicidal and criminal weirdness, of course).

Because I’m a weird one and despite my limitations, I am proud to be one.