Bedrest Anxiety and Talking with the Baby

Yesterday, I tried writing for two hours. As I approached the third hour, the heaving and retching of my pregnancy vomiting returned with a vengeance. I haven’t exactly stayed with the bland diet after my hospitalization. I ate some really good stuff from Angono’s Balaw Balaw restaurant when my bestfriend Homer visited me last weekend. I also wolfed down a lot of pastel which Homer brought as pasalubong from his Mindanao trip last week. So I resumed eating oily foods and it was okay for a maximum of three days until I started feeling dizzy and nauseous again. I immediately reverted back to my bland lugaw diet to tame this hyperemesis gravidarum.

While I was taking a shower last night, I decided to do a strange thing advised to me by one of the hospital nurses. I gently rubbed my belly and talked to my baby while I showered. According to my readings, the baby does not hear anything yet until midway during the pregnancy. So I was not really counting on a response. I just told the baby that maybe he or she can help me manage my nausea and maybe we can write a little during the day, reassuring him or her that I am doing my best in this whole wide universe to keep things healthy and less intense. I kind of made a tiny deal with him or her and said that I just need a few hours of normalcy during the day so that I can still do something for our future.

This morning, I was able to write for two to three hours with no incident. I still feel nausea but it was unlike the one I had yesterday. I still have enough energy to create this post, even. It’s as if my baby “cooperated” this morning and let me do my thing for a few hours. I am feeling deeply encouraged that this baby is really smart. Can’t explain but he or she helped me out. At this point, I just wanted to feel him or her kicking so that I can always know if he or she is alright but it won’t be until my fifth month of pregnancy. This tiny sign from early this morning somehow comforts me in some way that we are connecting already at this early stage.

I still can’t help but feel misty-eyed when I remember the first time I saw his/her arms move vigorously in the ultrasound and the first time I heard his/her heartbeat. It’s a feeling unlike any other.

Prior to this, I used to be a huge and intense workaholic and this bed rest is putting some brakes, brakes that I am not personally used to. But I welcome the change because there is a tiny passenger inside my tummy that deserves the best of everything. Literally everything. I can’t be self-absorbed anymore because this baby needs my undivided attention.

I think the relaxing pregnancy music playlists on Spotify also made some difference as I tried to relax and write this morning.

Mozart-for-Babies-Helena

 

My husband has been completely supportive and I am deeply thankful for the level of support I am getting from home. Something so colossal as this meaningful life event is a bit of a community effort to handle. Having said that, this is just about as much as I can personally handle. I don’t want to over exert myself given my recent hospitalization and I am already feeling the need to throw up again. That’s my baby with the STOP sign already. Haha. I’ll just post some new stuff later.

Hyperemesis Gravidarum during Pregnancy

That sounds a lot like a Harry Potter spell, and it’s even made a bit more glamorous by the fact that Kate Middleton had the same condition during her second pregnancy. But there’s nothing glamorous and fun about vomiting so hard that you end up having blood on the sink. It warranted a 2-day hospital confinement for me. I only take consolation in the fact that my baby is healthy growing, kicking and flailing its arms wildly during my latest 9-week ultrasound yesterday afternoon.

9-weeks-baby-ultrasound-Helena

 

My little fighter is very happily settled inside my tummy, so I am happy and content even if I am vomiting wildly and can hardly do anything during my bed rest. Prior to my diagnosis of hyperemesis gravidarum, I was already advised to stay home and rest until August so that I can cruise through the first trimester with lesser risk of miscarriage. My pregnancy story is not quick and easy, and we are doing everything to stay on the cautious side. Fortunately, I have a support system to help me get through all the retching and the very restrictive diet that HG requires. This little miracle inside of me is worth all of the pain and suffering I may have during this pregnancy. Most of my life decisions now revolve on ensuring a bright future for this little one. A little plus for me is I finally am part of the Mommy Bloggers community. Whether that merits a change of blog site remains to be seen.

Surprisingly, eating bland foods and taking antacids work wonders and reduced my vomiting. Really bland foods like tasteless white porridge or lugaw coupled with Skyflakes crackers distributed evenly during the day helped me a lot. Small but frequent feeding is preferred because a pregnant woman’s digestive system is slower than the usual, leading to constipation and flatulence.

Despite the hassles of a very severe onset of morning sickness during this crucial time, our happiness is unparalleled. Even if my baby cannot hear me yet, I am talking to him or her regularly. I also lurk in a lot of parenting forum sites to check out what I can do during this bedrest to maintain my sanity. I watch ultra cool TV shows, too. I am suspecting that this baby is a boy because I seem to be inclined to enjoy testosterone-laden and gory shows and ones involving a lot of kicking and action lately. Boy or girl, I am happy and extremely excited (and scared) to give birth this December. I just hope that I can be strong enough to deliver the baby normally instead of have my tummy sliced open. I am just hoping to do normal labor first and see what becomes of me after. Haha. It’s really so Game of Thrones when I come to think of it.

Being responsible for someone so tiny and beautiful is a game changer in so many ways. I can no longer cultivate negative emotions because I know that my baby will be affected. I just need to stay positive no matter what happens and as stress-free as humanely possible. I stay within the radar of pleasant people and things, most of the time. If I need to engage in a discussion that involves disagreement, I use writing as my form of therapy and release from negative emotions.

All the pregnancy hormones make me extra emotional but nothing beyond the worst of my mood swings. I think that a lot of women are shocked with the onset of their postpartum depression because they never got depressed prior to pregnancy. I had my fair share of depressive tendencies for a long time and I think I can sort of anticipate the baby blues with ample preparations on my end. That’s one good thing that came out of that, if anything. I think I am more equipped to handle something that I have become really used to for years.

Just typing this up is already enough to cause some morning exhaustion so I am going to end this post while I watch Black Mirror season 1 and prop myself up with lots of pillows. <3 <3 <3

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Positive!

positive-pregnancy

 

Since we got married in August 2014, we were really trying to have a baby. I think I was too eager to have one that it kind of backfired on me. So when I finally got a positive reading last night, I was in a state of shock. I was already starting to consider that I am infertile or sick. I was hospitalized and taken to the ER last night over what I perceived as heat stroke or a fainting spell. As it turns out, there’s already a bun in the oven and he/she has been taking up my energy.

I’ve peed on a stick countless times and I sometimes even had to delude myself into having that imaginary second line. But this time, I did not even have to squint my eyes because it’s clear as daylight. It’s finally here. All of the sore boobs, constipation, food cravings, dizzy spells, and general hot feeling seems to be worth it. The feeling is indescribable. This year, I learned new things about life and it was somehow preparing me for this next phase. I am really grateful because I was actually starting to worry about my fertility. Adoption has been a possibility I am exploring in case my worst suspicions were correct.

I am going to park this post right here for now while I think of my life-changing experience last night. 🙂 I am really grateful. I’ve always told myself that I am not God’s favorite. But I have my moments. 🙂