I’ve always been interested in human psychology, though I admit that it does not really answer all the questions of the universe. Like what I said in my previous post, I fell in love with a new word from Frose (my pet name for the first manuscript project I am working on): ATTENUATION. It means to “diminish in value”.
Some thoughts on attenuation of the least helpful psychological garbage. Oh, we are all at risk in picking up negative vibes. Verbal abuse victims are most especially prone to not feeling good when they say no to people. Sad programming from repetitive verbal abuse. But no worries, it is totally possible to improve.
The first thing to do is REJECT the negative vibes instantly. Stop clicking that destructive page; stop engaging into the negative train of thoughts. It could be anything: a certain website, an image of a person or what not’s. The minute you start entertaining them even for a second, they just spiral off into a full-blown time waster.
Second, understand that there are people who invade boundaries by nature. Asserting your rights does not mean you are madamot or inconsiderate. There are some people who feel guilty with saying NO. The only antidote is to SAY NO as often as you need, so that you will no longer have to feel guilty about being yourself later.
Maybe I should give some examples.
In my job interview, I was given a situational question that people might find useful. It goes like this: suppose that you are given a task. All of a sudden, the boss gives you an additional urgent task. You end up not finishing the task you were originally supposed to deliver. But you finished the urgent thing. After that, you got a low employee rating. What do you do?
This is an example where genuine attenuation is necessary. As a person, know what you can and cannot do. Give a heads up to the boss if you need an extension for the original task. Being afraid of asking for extension is much worse than letting the chips fall as they may. Chances are, you will have a hunch that you need an extension, so ask away.
I refuse to nurse complaints with how unfair and how inconsiderate the boss was blah blah blah. That’s an open invitation to spiraling off to job dissatisfaction.
I finished off my answer this way: I will do my best not to get to that situation. And if I do get there, I will stop yapping about how unfair it was and just take it. I believe that if you are really a good employee, even if you have unjustly been rankled in lieu of a single task, it will not diminish your excellence by one bit.
On a personal note, some people may oblige you to do stuff for them. They may make you feel like you are doing yourself a favor in enslaving yourself to them. But don’t be fooled. If you feel inside that the deal is iffy, say no. Even for stuff, there are people who make you feel so guilty for things that are not really bad.
There are really pushy people who insist and intimidate their way into getting you to say yes for them. Best tip for such: Get a safe distance, then say NO from a distance.
And another thing: being responsible and accountable to one’s self is the best way to eliminate bad vibes. Lifted this from the blog of sage contemporary writing master, Paulo Coelho’s blog: “A man who looks fixedly at the sun ends up blind. A man who only looks for Light, and shifts his responsibilities onto the shoulders of others, never finds what he is seeking”
Attenuation is the first step. Once you have done attenuation, go for complete obliteration.
Lots of cheers to good and genuine vibes!
So much for that! I better finish reading Chicago Manual of Style so that I can do my job excellently.