>the Confession struggle

>They call it the sacrament of joy, but there was never a week where i felt fully comfortable ‘fessing up.
All the symptoms were there: excessive sweating, shaking knees, on the verge of tears, walking slower than usual in approaching the priest.
I am like a cat that’s afraid of taking a bath. For confession is a spiritual bath as much as it is an instituted sacrament of the Catholic Church.
And the most wonderful thing: as much as I flinch in terror in taking my post the kneeler, I exude relief and so much unexplainable joy when I step out.
I am no theologian to argue about the merits of the grace conferred upon priests to administer the sacrament. I am just speaking from the point of view of an average Catholic convert.
For one thing, this act of going to Confession promotes humility. I tend to be a proud worm, so this is just perfect in zapping all the inclinations to make yabang (how conyo it sounded noh? Haha.) for all the good things coursed through me that did not really innately come from me.
Going to confession reminds me that all glory belongs to God, that earthly cares are a-passing and that God holds the universe so I need not worry too much.
There had been bad confessions. I tend to hide some of the more embarrassing sins initially. But I realized that in so doing, I deny the power of grace and I am just fooling myself. So I struggled to be most honest to Father.
I have been told that priests do not get scandalized and our sins are given utmost privacy. So there is no need to hold back on details. A common suggestion is to confess first the ones you are most ashamed of confessing.
Another thing I am guilty of doing is being careless in my self-examination. But that gets ironed out with an added measure of drive and desire to see myself clearly, even the most hideous parts.
It helped that I confess to the same priest regularly. He knows me a lot and has given me the right spiritual direction. He prays with me and for me.
Today, I am going to do this again. And small wonder, I am looking forward to it! I know that I will feel queasy minutes before my turn. and there will be that siren song telling me to “leave that sin out; it’s not as bad as you think.”
It’s a matter of mindset, really. The sacrament of penance is an intimate encounter with the Divine. When I think of things that way, I believe the struggle of telling my misdeeds is well worth enduring and battling.
Have you taken your spiritual bath lately? =P