Probably I can count myself as one of the most obstinate and hard-headed persons on this planet and it has taken me to many places, good and bad. This month, though, it made a turn for the worse. So I had to rein myself in and go back to square one, to ground zero of everything that I have planned for 2015. Virtually, everything I worked on was wiped out and I needed a fresh drawing board to whip up everything again.
The problem was not that it was wrong or unproductive. It was actually TOO productive and jam-packed. My schedule was lined up in a way that there was no room for Providence or tiny surprises that life hands over on an intermittent basis. This was a time of quickly and objectively refining the flaws of my initial design for my life plans, and that meant taking out certain items that are not in the topmost quadrant of my priority list.
Taking out the items off my list was hard; I had to revisit each commitment one by one and see which had to stay or go given my current circumstances. It was a painful but liberating exercise. I had to make a really defining and life-changing decision. I felt relief because this time around, I was really able to finally voice out my deepest desires about how I want to do work in this world. I really wanted to create, and I needed a lifestyle that gives enough room for creating things. Most of what I had taken in the past involved consuming things as part of the work, part of the bigger plan. I wanted to design things in short but intense bursts, reflective of my personality as human being. And as time runs out on this life, I realize that I had to make the necessary changes to accommodate this kind of lifestyle. It’s time. For years, I had been trying this setup. I tried it around four or five times previously but I lacked the steam to sustain it. But this time, it’s different and the benefits far outweigh the risks.
So I am logging it here. This is Day 1 of Square One. And I am looking forward to more exciting things. That painful experiences we do not expect are in reality, unforeseen delays, glitches, or obstructions that are meant to steer us closer to what we are meant to become in life. I just trust this season because I have seen firsthand how certain things align together. It was not completely a hopeless scenario; rather, I see something unfolding in the midst of the debris of my self-created chaos.
I think my old desires have ripened and I need not resist them any further. It’s really time to make the change.
And the change begins today.