This year for me is the year of zero shortcuts and the complement of this mantra will definitely be gratitude. There are many things that I can choose to be irritated about on a daily basis, but these days, I try to be more mindful of where my thoughts take me. Because that is also where my life energies go. 🙂 So one of the biggest investments I decided to make in myself this year is to cultivate an attitude of gratitude.
Pretty much, that means, all the toxicity has to go. Toxic friends. Toxic things. Toxic ideas. It’s detox year, baby!
This week was not particularly smooth sailing but there are a lot of things to be thankful for. I am enjoying the cold, for once, the non-aircon manufactured type that can only come from days of rain. The grass is literally greener these days.
I am thankful for very awesome brain training (a bit grueling at times but the brain settles for no less). I am keeping the nature of it under wraps for now because I do not want anything to spoil it. 🙂 That’s what we do to precious things– we quietly hold them in high regard and savor every moment we spend with it. There are clearly just some things that are meant to be savored in privacy.
There are guideposts although it’s not exactly asphalted expressway clear (it’s zero shortcuts, after all!) but more of a muddy dirt road and I got some boots on for the trip. Really pretty boots. Bright pink and a sturdy grip.
In retrospect, I look at things and I realize that much has happened and I am actually at a place where I am perfectly fine with the imperfection. I can let certain things slide when before I used to desire control at the micro-level that my life kind of got suffocated with the numerous assurances I needed to keep all bases covered. Life doesn’t work that way. I was in the wrong place. I rested my ladders in the wrong wall. I am standing still now, and quite happy to be here.
It took me a long time to come to terms with certain things. I realized that I was not born with a silver spoon in my mouth, that I have to basically start from a lower starting point than most people my age and that I had to assume responsibilities earlier than most people had to in their lifetime. I have to basically claw my way through things that other people I have met find basic or standard to their living. It still amazes me that I was able to float through all that despite the excessive discomforts I had to experience growing up. And I never forget those growing years because it made me tough.
So, yeah, universe, thanks for letting me start at a very disadvantaged position and allowing me to reach the edge of what I thought were my limitations. You always do this to me and you let me survive it. Every time someone tries to dig for me to fall in, I just grit my teeth, climb back out, and unfortunately annoy the shit out of the person who tried to dig me downwards.
Each time, I end up thinking: “Hey, I never thought I can do this.” If the digging did not happen, I would not have explored alternative routes to reaching my goals. Always a surprise where it leads me. 🙂
The testing never ends. It will always be there. There will be new things to make me tougher this year and I embrace them now. I embraced the scars of the past and embrace the wounds of the present.
I am not just thankful now for the good things. I also thank the sad and distressing things because most or all of them were necessary to help me learn something about life and what must be done to reach the summit of it.