The Complementary Clash

It’s almost 6 months since I made this lifelong “til death do us part” commitment and hooray, we are both still alive! Unless you are in it, you will not know how challenging this is. Co-habiting with someone you never grew up with has its own perks and drawbacks. I totally think differently from my husband. I am actually amazed at how we managed the years of being together as couple (pre and post-wedding) without strangling each other. There is a certain grace from God, I really believe in that more than ever.

Like a coin, being married has its requisite two sides.

The first side is where you expand yourself through your partner’s point of view and experiences. He balances me in so many ways, in my experience. I am not the world’s most agreeable and gentle person. I am brutally frank and it leads to my undoing, occasionally and admittedly. He has this Zen-like ability to blend in with people like water to the shore and it’s magical for me to live with someone like that, so smart and yet so pleasant.

The other side is the clash side of the partnership where you will painfully remember how different you are and you have these head to head fights on what should be done on a certain issue. The worst one we had was a recent fight that lasted for almost a week and it began with a voice-raising match turned silent or cold war turned into civil behavior and cease fire turned into loving mode again. It was so difficult to work. Even when I was a workaholic, I could not bring myself to do anything remotely productive because it was so hard not to be at peace with my partner. The discord extends to my entire being. I just cannot function well if we are not okay or at least agree to disagree without ill feelings.

A well-meant apology is the oil that waters down the friction. 🙂 A willingness to compromise revs up a dying engine that begins from a downward spiral of disagreement. The decision to GIVE more and go the extra mile in keeping things peaceful and harmonious never goes wrong. As of this writing, we are still both adjusting and trying very hard to keep it great and achieve our dreams together. And it’s nice. Because often when couples start deserting their partners, disasters happen and you are left in a stream of broken hearts, broken dreams, and railroaded family lives.

It’s really an uphill climb. Some people really say that marriage is overrated and ancient and completely out of touch with the needs of the times. I really hope I don’t go to that extreme level of hating the institution or the sacrament. Unorthodox as I may be, there are still certain things that I hold dear and sacred and marriage is one of them.



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