In my early years as a professional, I was a hot mess, and that would be the kindest way to put it. I had a gazillion feels, zero organization skills, and a pitiful inability to evaluate political hijacking. My problems were literally all over the place. Some people immediately found themselves in their perfect niches, professionally. I basically had to comb my way through until I found the right match. I wanted so many things and no job was enough to fit everything in. It was only until I revolutionized my use of time that I managed to see things more clearly.
I do not really remember how I managed to improve things but four years is really a considerable amount of time for change. Even when I felt like nothing was happening, I was actually improving in how I am managing my life. I can probably attribute some of it to dumb luck, a considerable channeling of blessing from God, and a lot of struggle on my end. Some people tell me now that I have acquired a skill set that is not easily learned in school: optimization of professional processes. In layman’s terms, it’s project management.
It was so hard in 2010. It was just frigging difficult. Everything was always an uphill battle. I believe 2014 is no different. This is probably my most difficult year, as a matter of fact. But this was my strongest year, too, if I may evaluate myself vis a vis my previous self in 2010, 2011, 2012, and 2013.
I always tell my husband that I think God gave him to me so that I can always be inspired to do my best. I am always inspired. I look at him when he sleeps as I am typing up the things I need for work. Even when I feel like giving up, I take just a single look at him and I get more encouraged to work harder for our future together.
It’s just different now; I can no longer afford to waste time or fail because I am no longer living for myself but also for him. Even the things that annoy me daily are not enough to dampen my spirit.
I thought before that I was not wired to get married because of many things, yet I seem to be accomplishing so much more now than before. It is not just because I am handed with very interesting research projects. It’s also because I am supported by my husband who is never insecure in empowering me professionally.
I am just posting this as a form of gratitude for the wonderful blessing of life that was given to me this year.
So I guess there is one change in the span of four years: an increase in motivation.
The second factor which I believe helped me is having a sense of DIRECTION about my professional development. The third factor is the intersection of my developed skill set or competencies with the demands of the tasks at hand. I see where I am going and it falls into place.
Now that I am pursuing a different line of expertise, I am basically plowing through unexplored mental territories and it can be quite daunting on most days.
I kind of suffer from the loneliness of not having people to talk to about my pursuits and that is probably why I am currently blog vomiting my thoughts out.
It’s just a different path and the people that are able to talk about my pursuits are too busy achieving goals, crunching numbers from data, and balancing things. I’d be lucky to have a coffee date with someone who understands that nature of this demanding path I have chosen and what it means for my relationships. But unless there is an urgent need for a statistical collaboration, there will be no coffee dates just for nothing.
My husband shows unparalleled support but it will be impossible for me to make him understand why a bug or a function error on a programming assignment is enough to cause me two sleepless nights. There is a different dynamic that exists among nerd friends, and as I dig deeper into the math of things, I find myself missing my nerd friends who are scattered all over different places trying to fix many digital problems being handed to them.
A friend and pseudo-mentor once told me that to be a good web developer, “you must be ready to give up your social life. That’s the price I paid.” It is only now that I am beginning to understand what he means by those words. He is one of the examples of people who have optimized their lives to absorbing voluminous amounts of information for service.
Apart from the occasional lonely feelings, I have this to say: challenge accepted.