Death of the Self

There is a battle inside myself to change who I am and give up preferences to make other people happy. It’s not easy.

In high school, I wanted to become a writer but my father refused to support it. I ended up taking up engineering.

I was not always happy. I tried to shift out twice. It was very hard. Later I learned to love it somehow.

After college, I was considering a cloistered life. But my mom needed me to stay in the outside world to help her.

I was miserable. But I became happy later. Shopping or retail therapy helped. I did stuff to amuse myself until I missed the cloister less.

Today, I have certain things that I want. And once again, I am being asked to give it up for someone important to me.

I am not yet at the stage where I am happy about it. But based on previous experiences, I know that I can be happy about it.

Loving is no walk in the park. You have to lose yourself to help another person gain something or be happy.

Other people say that I am my parents’ favorite. They have not seen what things I have been willing to do for my parents that made them love me in the way they do now.

I hope that the person I am making some sacrifices for at this time can also learn to recognize my gesture of obliterating myself. I may not be super giddy while I do it. But I am certain that love moves me to do it.

It may not be done with a dance or a giddy stance. But I crawled to let my selfish self die just to make it happen. Let it not be said that I did not try my best for the person that I truly love.

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