So.. what have you been up to lately?
I get that a lot, especially since I totally abolished my social media life. It’s not easy, actually. People are half-expecting a Facebook account, at the very least. But I have not regretted the decision. Like I have said many times before, it was one of the best decisions I have ever made. The only remaining trace of that old life is this digital WordPress space. All the rest have been hacked away by my new interests which has shaped the person I have become now.
I wish I can say that I am sipping coffee on a skyline balcony view and chillaxing to my heart’s content. Or that I am snuggled up in a warm comforter with hot cocoa on my bedside considering such a cold season. That’s what most people like to hear anyway when you ask them or at least look at their Facebook pages.
Far from it, though. I am actually working late on most days and looking at endless rows of text and flowcharts. The hacking dry cough has been my companion for two weeks. This might seem to bore other people to tears but it has become my life these days. I tried to make some changes to this life by drastic means but I could not. The Lord seems to be bent in teaching me lessons on patience. And I have learned to just sit still and wait it out while I am figuring out what to do next.
Fortunately, the stereotypes on geeks have been broken because geek is really the digital age’s new sexy. I continue to like breaking stereotypes and I existed at such an opportune time. Last year, I was initiated to the fascination for unique lipstick shades, cute bags, optimal coding tools, the linux terminal, and bootstrapping websites.
I can somehow put three lipsticks in my bag and a couple of lines of code in my head together without feeling the sense of irony in valuing both substance and style. I am perfectly fine with styling myself and fattening my brain with organic coding matter at the same time. But even if people do not personally dig the transformation and evolution and utter refusal to connect in the usual online channels, I don’t mind. I am running my own race and my current setup has facilitated this very environment so well. Elusive disadvantages be damned, I am living a real life to the fullest.
This post is not about home. It’s really more about BEING AT HOME WITH ONE’S SELF. This is just about the most important peace that a person can have in his or her life. Any expensive vacation is futile if you are constantly being nagged by your own existence. No, I do not have any vacation lined up because so much in the here and now is demanding my time. My other pursuits render me unable to afford anything flashy like that at this time.
Of course, I continue to have that vacation planner empty and waiting in case. But even if I do not have the actual luxury of taking leave from work at this point, I have ultra-soft pillows, a nice blanket, and just recently, peace of mind that transcends all information junkie understanding. I have the makings of an easily accessible mental staycation which is better than landing my tiny butt on some mound of sand while watching the sunrise. I’ll have that later when I have resolved things from myself.
Somehow, circumstances have not taken off in the exact way that I want. But it continues to amaze me and make me thankful, just the same. I realized that much of what happened to me happened because I needed to experience it.
I am not anywhere. I have not done anything physically extraordinary except go for salon rootings every two months, learn coding more, and trim my carb consumption. I have not been assigned to some random far flung place where I can bite my nails ceaselessly. I just am, at this point.
I am home with myself. There will never be a place on earth quite like it. And despite the things I wanted that I still do not have, I delightfully find that I am perfectly fine with that.