Cool as a Cucumber

Somebody once told me that I needed more tenacity. Also, I have personally noticed that as a fairly emotional person (and such emotions fuel my compulsion to write with so much passion), there are many things that I need to consider. I write not about my numerous foot-in-mouth moments. I will write today about a tiny victory or success that I had in employing more tenacity and self-control. This a real-life lesson in the work world that I think will be useful for a lifetime.

It was late evening and I was working really late. For one, the sets were cluttered and my machine was failing on me. For some reason, a very terrible incident brought mostly by circumstances had me in a tough spot. But I was not allowed to retaliate or explain my side. I did my best to keep quiet about it. It was so hard, considering how I usually justify myself if I know that I am not at fault. But I somehow did it. Some saint in heaven who magnified patience must have lent me some. I did not cry or buckle, although I really felt like doing so. I just continued working and I gracefully proceeded to find a solution to a two-day old problem which could have taken half a day if it weren’t the set of circumstances I was handed that time.

As it turns out, maintaining a state of calmness (even if it’s just outward and you’re paddling hard underneath) is a good thing. I read an article that it warrants good health and it also avoids numerous unnecessary conflicts. Young as I am in the work force, relatively, this is a tough pill to swallow. I grew up in a school where people easily fights for their rights violently if need be when it is being violated.

As it turns out in the real world, sometimes you have to somehow accept having your human rights violated temporarily if it comes with a good cause or if there is a greater good involved. To balance, it is not an everyday thing but an occasional spat or taking one for the team, so to speak.

A tiny victory showed me that I am in fact capable of handling myself in this manner despite the common stigma of my diagnosis. Few people would know how difficult that exercise was for me, because mood disorders usually have that thing going where they cannot always control their thinking and behavior. I guess in some way, I must be doing something right because I sense some improvement and this tiny victory is a proof  that I can actually stay on and practice without causing too much detriment to others or myself.

As a child, I had escapist tendencies and I used the world of books to shield me from the pains I did not want to deal with. Now, I still love reading books but I think slowly, I am becoming aware of how I should never escape when I can find solutions to problems. It’s a good trait to develop. I have seen people who are good living examples, and I am in a fairly nurturing environment (save for moments when a difficult client is in tow and is putting all his or her weight to conduct some power-tripping with their intelligence, position, or mental brilliance as an excuse). I just think that if all intelligent people throw their weight around, nothing will get done because everybody will just be busy enforcing their brilliance and intelligence to the point of not cooperating or giving way for far more important things like accomplishing a common goal that has some significance to the world.

The world has so many problems to solve, and honestly, an individuals rough attitude is super small compared to those big world-scale problems.

I guess it helps to control the ego that comes with being an individual when you know yourself and where you stand. It is not just knowing on a superficial level. But KNOWING really who you are, your place in the grand scheme, and its implications is something that ANCHORS you no matter what the circumstance.

Even if difficult people will tell you that you are worth nothing, you can’t do it, or that you are not meant to be in a certain place, if you know within your soul who you really are, it will not be a stumbling block to success. The world’s most insecure people are the world’s most difficult people, in my humble experience over the last few years of work life. It is because they are always on the run with their mind, always feeling morbidly insecure or lethargic about their existence. And it is this lethargy that they spread out to other people because they cannot give the happiness and good vibes that they do not have. The only question for a person who receives crap unfairly is this: Am I going to join the misery bandwagon? Or am I just going to stay cool as a cucumber.

That one time in a sea of foot-in-mouth moments, I actually did the latter. And I feel fulfilled and accomplished in a way that medals cannot really affirm, but this affirmation I gained is far greater and sinks deeper than accolades that we all like to hang on walls. I just know, deep down, that I’ve done the right thing and it was difficult exercise that was worth my while.



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