Days are few where I can still call you “the boyfriend.”
And I must write this post before the boyfriend becomes the husband. <3
Despite my utter, insufferable nagging tendencies, my legendary mercurial moods, my loud whining, and my not-so-glammy life moments, it’s a miracle that you are still with me. And you even stay on long enough to meet the rest of the weirdos that are my family and friends.
It’s been a while since I wrote about you. And we have undergone troubles we did not expect in the course of this real life love story. But somehow, it just made us stronger and better.
Years ago, I was actually a resigned individual. Resigned to a perpetual life of singlehood. I have given up on finding true love. I was just content with being a spiritual mammal overfed with intellectual stimulation. I resorted to the orgasmic delights of books and intellectual pursuits. I learned to wrap a blanket around myself and just plan my retirement fund as a spinster in the making so as not to be a burden to my relatives in my old age. I had it all planned out, actually.
I have given up on finding the right person then. One, I had a mood disorder (meds are not good for pregnancy and moods are not good, in general). Two, I am difficult by nature (a boon and a bane of this wretched and lucky life–what paradox!). And three, there were secrets that I was no longer willing to tell from the Dark Age of years past.
The first one, you knew upfront.
The second, you discovered in the near-two years of togetherness which brought life to your occasional exasperated sighs and an instant reaffirmation of your love for me despite the difficulty.
The third, I mentioned vaguely at the beginning, the details of which I told you only this week. For the third, I struggled a lot and half-expected that you’d quit on me right at the moment I started singling out the skeletons in my closet which freak me out, skeletons that marked my entire being with scars and filters that took ages to heal, skeletons that I’d rather not have happened at all…
And you kissed all my fears away when you showed me that you did not see all of it as badly as I did. You gently told me that nothing changed in your decision, you remain steadfast in your commitment to stay with me for as long as you can. On my end, I really cannot imagine life without you, so we’re quite even there. Haha.
You are rock solid in your traditions, amazingly brought up by equally amazing parents, clearcut in the nuances of law, justice, and equity.
I am… the complete opposite of you with my super kaduper unorthodox family background, weird beliefs in life, immeasurable volatilities, and the need to create and wallow in the gray areas of life.
You are the tranquil land mass where people can safely find their bearings, you with your kind ways and your photographic memory.I am as unpredictable and chaotic as water, which swings between tempests that can wreak havoc during the day and lulling soft waves on a clear evening sky. Together, we mean the world to each other.
For some reason, this complementary personalities worked in ways I could never have planned or imagined. It amazes me how such a miracle can happen but it did. We had rough patches but it’s all working out. I can never imagine myself quitting on you, despite my usual flaky nature as an INFP personality type.
Surprisingly, you echo the same sentiment even after I told you everything, even things I cannot tell anyone else. Our minds, hearts, souls have met beyond contracts of your profession and beyond measurable quantities of my profession. We should make more clones of you so that few women would cry at night because of yet another bastard who broke their hearts. (
Of course, you’re taken and it is understood anyone who tries to get the original copy of my awesome partner in life will be assassinated on the spot.)
I flinch in disgust and self-chastisement when my impetuous ways holds stark contrast to your stable and kind ways. You have shown me that it is possible to be kind in this harsh world, that intelligence is not tantamount to being an arrogant ass just to be heard, and that I can actually SUBMIT to a man with respect and not begrudgingly.
I am very proud of you, sweetheart. 🙂 And I know that you are one of the biggest gifts God has ever given to me. I am not even sure if I can handle this gift well enough, but I am always trying my best to step out of my comfort zone bit by bit to make you as happy as you have made me in almost two years. You don’t even need to do anything anymore to make me happy. Just by being you is more than enough to complete my day. (Of course, there’s that mandatory good morning text message expected of lovers in this digital age. Mandatory. 🙂 )
Years ago, I only asked that God surround me with good people who can tolerate me. It was like in that local Pinoy movie years ago where the girl heroine asked for pandesal but God gave her cheeseburger AND french fries. In my case, I asked for pandesal and what do you know? I got a cheeseburger, a kilo of spaghetti, french fries, large Coke float, and chocolate sundae– enough to feed me for a lifetime. 🙂 (I know you know that movie, bebe ko. HAHA.)
God provided me with an awesome partner who did not just tolerate but embraced every piece of me–the whole, the broken, the happy, the dark facets–and actually looks forward to spending life with me.
And honestly, I don’t think I have done anything remarkably good to deserve you. Even feeding street children by the millions will not merit me the credit of having such an awesome partner like you.
Having you is like winning the lottery but better, because the love does not run dry like money in bank accounts do.
I may not always say it (and I may not always look like it when I am all mercurial with my mood), but you are clearly worth all the pain and the risks I had to take just to let you into my life at the time that you asked me on a date. You are more than worth it, actually. I am willing to spend the rest of my life to prove it to you, sharp tongue, stubbornness, and noisy stances notwithstanding 🙂
Where in life I used to think of absolute excuses not to have a commitment to another person (not able to cook as well as normal people do, not “domesticated”, not always stable, not used to this and that, etc.), you made me step out of myself and changed me for the better (believe me, this version is better ALREADY. HAHA. But I’ll try harder, okay? I’ll start with your favorite sinigang. 🙂 ).
I hope for continuing patience as I rehabilitate my stubborn self and immerse myself in the awesome affair of taking care of your needs for the rest of my life. Love you much much much much much. 🙂
Thanks for making mornings worth waking up to. Thanks for future mornings you have promised to spend with me. 🙂 Even if it’s raining cats and dogs, it is always a sunny day for as long as I can wake up to your good morning text. And hopefully, in the coming days, it will always be with a good morning kiss. <3