Whenever I think of you, I think not of the mess and not of the challenges you are facing today. I see more than that. They see issues, but I see more. I see a kind person who had a bad streak of weeks, and had something done at a bad time. But that’s so small compared to the collage of happy memories you have left in my head since we were young. I see those happy days when we were two of the oldest people in class, where we basically struggled to survive each day until we got our diplomas and licenses.
I remember that day when you invited me to visit you in your house, and we had those 15-peso Hongkong noodles by the stall near your old home. We only had coins in our pockets. No jobs because we chose to study that semester, but just a lot of fun. I’ve seen many significant others come and go, as you had a dating life more colorful than mine.
I remember that during our graduation day, you even found me a professional makeup artist so that I’d look awesome on that really memorable day for us as your graduation gift for me. When I had heartaches and tears as large as saucers, you were there and comforted me even at those times when I cannot even recognize my own self. You were not my first friend in the university, but you are definitely one of those who outlasted the fleeting few. I lost a lot of friends over the course of many years, and you are just worth more than all of these people combined. I just want you to know that.
I remember how supportive you are of me. How that one time I got a high score in a fatal long exam, you highlighted my name in a list posted on a wall and wrote on it and said that you are super proud to have me as your friend. You are one of those giant friends of the universe who can handle both bad times and successful moments with the good intentions that only a 110% true friend can have for me. Anytime someone says something bad about me or bullies me, you make damn sure that person pays for it by getting a beating from you.
I suddenly had some additional friends when I started having my own income, when I started having my own job, when all our initial efforts in our young dreaming years have somehow paid off. But I don’t think any of them can stick around if I’m dirt poor and one peso away from a meager jeepney ride. I don’t think any of them can skip an important gym class just to take me to the hospital when I banged my head against a cabinet.
You are as awesome a friend as you are a skilled teacher. Misunderstood and unorthodox may be some of your ways, but I hope that these setbacks will not put you down but only make you stronger over time. You are a talented person and I BELIEVE IN YOU.
You may have made one slip that cost a great deal, but none of these has diminished my respect and love for you, my dearest close friend M. And so are the handful of good people you established good relationships with. I cried last night when you called about your current dilemmas in life because it hurts me as much that you are hurting like this. We left the university with dreams of making it big and conquering the world. I am sorry if work got in the way and I was not there as frequently as I should have. I am sorry that I could not stand up to your bullies in the same way you have stood up for mine.
Beneath your brutal frankness and seemingly smooth and stress-free demeanor is a soft heart. And I know that this heart is breaking so bad right now and I feel horrible that I can’t erase everything that caused it as easy as one can take out posts off the digital walls of this twisted life.
I know that you may think that all your previous efforts may have been in vain, that other people’s attempts to erase the thousand good things you’ve done in lieu of a handful of mistakes you’ve committed is a real bitch to handle. But I just want you to know that even when we cannot put patches to a sinking boat, we will find ways to get you the prettiest life vest this world has ever known. A life vest with diamonds that floats through life. Because you are a diamond and you will get through ALL of this mess.
So sail on, my friend M. Someday, what you have ahead of you will be so bright that the darkness you are in right now will pale and extinguish itself voluntarily.
You may not see it now but I do, and so do the other people who believe in you.
Please don’t lose hope. And when you feel desolate and like everything you’ve built all this time is crumbling beneath your feet, you can be assured that I’d be one of those people in the background picking up the pieces with you amidst the chaos so that you can rebuild yourself and get past the brokenness, get past the pain, and move on with life.
I look forward to that day where we can meet up and be in a much better place. I know it will come. Just be patient. You are not alone. We are here for you. And while I do not have the powers that you need to turn this thing around, I at least have a hand that will hold you as you go through the worst, hit bottom, and soar higher than you have ever soared in this life.
I cannot say I can write off all the pain but I can just write a blog post because this domain deserves to reserve a space for you, in as much as you have a reserved space in my heart.
Stay strong, my friend. I know that this won’t be the last post I’ll make about you. Because next time, it will be about your success, fulfillment, and happiness in finally finding your place and getting your bearings back.