With alarming frequency, I hear of horror stories of friendships gone bad because of the green monster called envy. I am prompted to turn a tweet into a full-length post because microblogging just does not seem to quite elaborate on what’s inside my gray matter at the moment.
At this point, I have two awesome but hurting girl pals who got lashed at by their own supposed close friends for having something awesome happen to them. One had a fantabulous and unexpected romance. The other had a great experience abroad.
It’s so sad looking at how friendships get wasted because of the green monster.
I mean, it’s already hard to find true friends. And you even lose more friends because they can’t be happy for you in your success.
It kind of tells me that when you don’t want your friends to reach new heights, you are limiting that person to how you want them to be. I had a friend who never has a problem being there for me when I am messed up, but she got really disturbed when I topped the board exam and basically had good things going for me. I never trusted her as much since then. I have learned to be genuinely happy for my friends because I don’t subscribe to the idea of limiting people’s lives to serve my interests.
In college, I was a green monster too. I had lots of self-esteem issues. And probably that’s where the green monster likes to nest its ugly head. When you’re not sure, when you’re insecure in some way, or when you’re just majorly messed up in the head, it’s easy to succumb to feelings of envy and poison an otherwise good relationship. You cannot have room to love others if you are unable to supply yourself with a good dose of confidences.
Having been on both sides of green monster and object of the green monster, I think that somehow I have some insights on the matter that can help.
I managed to slay my green monster when I ACKNOWLEDGED its existence. I had meditation sessions in the convent and in Daniw center in my final sems in UP that made me aware of my tendencies and I managed to call a spade a spade. An envious friend can hide her envy in the cloak of “concern” or “looking out for my friend’s interests.” I still have my moments but I have learned to manage them because I value the people more. Because relationships are more important than one-upping the rest of the world. I like leaving good memories when I came to terms with myself. Spreading good vibes is more cool.
I regretted consequences of when I was not able to handle my green monster in my younger years. The only advantage I have now is that I can see it more clearly when people are under its influence.
The biggest disasters come when you deceive or lie to yourself to justify this kind of behavior. At one point or another, every woman feels envious. It’s normal. It’s when you start scheming, wishing the other person harm, and spoiling one’s clean fun when the monster takes over and things go haywire.
One sure way to beat the blues you get from the green zone of envy is by KNOWING YOURSELF. In knowing yourself, you know when you are most vulnerable to be envious and you kind of get to curb or eliminate the urge to feed the monster to the point of no return.
How many friendships has the green monster broken? Before you feed the monster, ask yourself what it can do to your friendship. When I am also feeling the green zone tendencies coming in, I force myself to think of the good things this person has done for me and other people. It makes it easier to be happy for him or her when I look at his or her good traits.
Sure, sometimes people unfairly get things, like cheating their way to promote themselves or badmouthing someone to make themselves look good. It’s hard to be happy when people like these succeed. But integrity is an entirely different story that deserves a separate narration.
Reverting the monster is a good way to live a happier life. Envy is a sign of discontent with one’s own life. If you are not content with what you have, the tendency is to hate people who express contentment or happiness. Instead of burying yourself in the resentful feeling, try to get out and work harder to find your own dreams and achieve them. Instead of looking at people as threats, use them as an inspiration for your own ambitions. You don’t just make yourself a better person when you do that; you also keep awesome people who can also encourage you to be at your best.
Now that I am in a place where I have more friends who are being envied than bitter envious friends, I am very thankful because it means I successfully killed the green monster that lost me a lot of people some years back. I hope that people who are still possessed by the spirit of envy will eventually find their own opportunities to shine without trampling on other people’s stars to assure themselves.
God loves all of us and has bestowed each of us in this world with so many cocktail mixtures of gifts. It’s just nice to celebrate diversity in all colors and not just focus on a Hulk-like and unhealthy competitiveness.
After all, looking at other’s rainbows with joy is much better than looking at a single green color of envy. We also find our own pots of gold when we can celebrate other people’s victories genuinely. <3