Where do I find the great and appropriate in-between of being mature enough to handle what the world throws and still being young enough to pursue what I want?
Years ago, I made a promise to myself that I will never let the little girl in me go. But I held on to her too much, to the great demise of many other things in this increasingly adult life. Reluctantly, I hide the little girl and let her roam free on weekends.
The in-between question haunts at me unceasingly as I go through the motions of daily proletarian life. I live in a world where earning bread is tantamount to throwing hours and hours of one’s life, to working until one drops. And as employment statuses and financial statuses rise and fall around me, I find myself compelled to stay afloat in this workaholic culture of our making. The digital age just does not allow people to take time to smell the flowers these days. But I am grateful for this demanding environment for it does not take less than the best out of me and makes me raise the bar for myself.
When I am thinking of evaluating my current status, it’s like I am supposed to choose between extremes of work hard-party hard’s prose or unsullied freelancing poetry. It’s been years and my struggle has remained the same. And I remain undecided, because I believe that I am asking this question too early in life.
I no longer want to crush my skull with ruminations and an unsettled quandaries. So I settle for settling one thing at a time, one step at a time, and one day at a time. And let the chips fall as they may.
I have to accept that I may not have enough time to do everything that I want because I want too many things. And this vice of wanting too much can lead to my undoing if unregulated. But I will be limitless in my dreaming, nonetheless. And work very hard and hope that I achieve them all in God’s time.
I commit to just focusing on one theme or one task for the year in my professional pursuits. This year, I decided that it’s going to be mapping in line with contributing to helping improve public transport. And everything else falls into the background or as supplements for now, including my oxygen of writing.
I will write as I always have, for I will die without it. But I will not let it get in the way of what I have set out in my heart and mind to do.
It feels good to finally arrive at this crusade, at this decision. I struggled for months to find out what I want out of my career.
Initially, I thought I wanted an editor’s career ladder. But I have seen other paths which seemed to suit my engineering, writing background and supreme OCness to details. To top it off, it’s geared at helping build a competent database that is at par with technological data management standards.
Authentic service for the country that matriculated me in a sort-of mapping course for seven years is not something to be taken lightly, so the little girl has to content herself with letting herself go on weekends and aiming to be as tenacious as a bull on weekdays until I get this done.