In the steady flux of social networking site users, criticizing people can go from attacking the person using Facebook statuses, twitting rants and ganging up on a person in Cyberspace. Our Filipino culture hates confrontations. It is just so much easier to talk about people behind their back than care enough to tell them what’s wrong with them. Well, yeah, if you started hating a person, you don’t really give a damn if that person needs to improve himself.
Push comes to shove, the person remains unimproved and just sails on through life amidst a sea of malicious whispers. Did it change things? Did that person learn anything? Did that person actually improve himself as a result? No, no, and no.
As of last week, I have been hurled 6 chief accusations. I took the liberty of getting the gist of those criticisms being thrown my way. This is just like work, but it is work at improving myself. I thank the people who raised these points. Your manner of criticizing me is really not commendable, but the points you have raised made me reflect very well about myself.
Whatever harm you intended, God turned it for the good, as far as I am concerned.
- I harmed someone with my words.
- In relation to 1, I don’t deserve to even consider becoming a nun.
- I am a fake person.
- I ruined a friendship.
- I am a marriage and home wrecker.
- I am a two-timer.
Numbers 3, 5 and 6 are FALSE. That was just funny, you know. Where did that come from? I will not waste words on this. Brevity is key. Not true. Enough said.
Number 4 was partly true for one isolated instance. I may have aggravated things without intending to do so, sadly. But here is the thing: until now, those two people still have a CHOICE to fix things between themselves.
They were friends before they met me. It’s not as if their friendship depended on me entirely. It’s still between them, ultimately. But I do admit that blaming an outsider is the easiest way to remove the frustrations. It’s the one way where they can express all that hate without having to face themselves squarely. What’s a true friendship without a test, anyway?
Numbers 1 and 2 are TRUE. And this is why I made this post. 🙂
My big, brake-lacking mouth does deserve some trimming and clipping. I totally admit it! (This debunks the “You’re fake!” accusation already.) I tend to be very careless with the things I disclose. And it has cost me a lot already. So I really take this to heart and to mind.
Believe it or not, I am genuinely WORKING on shutting up. I am so frigging turtle slow on this goal. If it frustrates you to see me this way, I have some news for you: I am much more frustrated about it than you.
I just don’t show it. I like looking good even when under so much stress and struggle.
I am at it, everyday. There are times I slip back to my natural caustic tongue. But I am trying. This experience taught me to WORK HARDER for his goal so that I will no longer get involved in any of this drama in the future. I do have a plan on how to curb this harmful tongue. I am remorseful for the damage it has caused thus far.
Having said that, I don’t expect my new friends to understand or much less, to hang around with me until I fix this. Suffice it to say, I am mightily thankful for the friends (I am counting years of friendships for most, and not just months!) who stayed with me in spite of my defects. I believe they still see something good in me that’s worth loving. There are other things that I bring to a friendship that makes them stay on for that long, and not just the freebies, at that. Often, they even had to treat me. I totally don’t deserve it.
Now we address the most important and truthful accusation of all: that I don’t deserve to even consider becoming a nun. I TOTALLY AGREE, my dear hater!
I’d be the worst nun there is, really. I never said I deserved it anyway. 🙂 What will happen to the Church if all nuns were like me? I shudder at the thought. LOL.
But here is the thing: Becoming a nun is a CALLING, a vocation. It is NEVER EARNED with good behavior or good works.
Whether you are a resident mean girl or a really conservative good girl, if you are called for that life, God will eventually give the grace to let you overcome yourself. It is a process of becoming.
People are just so bound by stereotypes about nuns. They are the chaste, properly behaving ones who live holy lives. And that’s actually their call: to set a standard of holiness to the Church. BUT THEY DON’T ALL BEGIN THAT WAY. And it does not mean they do not make mistakes. Everyone, even the veiled ones, do not deserve a calling like that. They just strive harder than most people, to the point of giving up having normal 8-hour daily jobs and raising a family.
My friend, Catherine, who is now Sister Catherine, entered Carmel Lipa with the impurest intentions. That’s what she said. God never asked her to be perfect enough to enter. She was just asked to TAKE THE FIRST STEP.
And what use is Saint Mary Magdalene and the adulteress in the Gospel if all people did it right the first time? We are humans who make mistakes. The only important thing is when we TRY HARDER after the smoke comes out of our personal defects.
If I proceed in my quarter life to make a dozen cute babies or submit myself to a cloister is really none of anybody’s business. It’s a thing between me and the God that I believe in.
I don’t deserve any commendations for speaking my mind. I don’t deserve anybody’s approval, hate or love. I never said that I did deserve it, save that I deserve to be treated well when I am being pursued because that’s a woman’s worth. And I deserve to be crucified for the mean things, but God is good and He never condemned me for any of it.
All these things are GIFTS. And you, the one who threw stones at me, is also a gift. A gift that is ugly in appearance, but a gift, nonetheless. Because you gave me lessons as you tried to kill my fire from within, lessons that I will not otherwise have if I was just hanging around with people who agree with me all the time. I just wished you confronted me about it, not broadcast it on a wall with 26 mutual friends who can see it.
Bad girls do go to convents.
They all hope to go to heaven amidst their limitations, just like you. 🙂
Life is too short to be toxic. I work to improve.
And despite this day being bad, I know tomorrow will be good.
That’s what I am doing with my life. What have you been doing with yours, buddy? 😛