just got lucky (originally posted in FB october 8, 10:40am)

There are people like me who aren’t really much of a long-term thinker and who are not into strategies. we are the types who make stupid decisions and learn things the painful and hard way. Not that we mean to do so. We are just such trouble magnets and it just happens seamlessly if left unchecked.

But this irritating dumbing down often gets worse when we are in love…

Initially, I refused to change myself. I was thinking that I had a right and license to do with my life whatever I see fit. I also thought people have no right to feel hurt with my decisions, even when these decisions harm me a lot.

Kasi ginusto ko yun.

Yes, we are free. But to force people just to accept as we make harmful decisions to ourselves is not part of that freedom. Especially, it does not hold true for the ones who love us the most.

Because those who love us most involuntarily get hurt when they see us hurt. Their hearts break when ours do. And they are left to pick up the shattered pieces with us when things go so bad. And they feel it their duty to jolt us back to our senses when we are getting lost and darkened by our despair.

Whoever said that genuinely getting involved in another person’s life was an easy task? It meant as much joy as tears.

So sometimes, when people like me engage in a very self-destructive pattern, these loved ones become fierce, even angry because they get hurt each time they see us hurt ourselves. They have that instinct to PROTECT us from the things that harm us. They will fight with us if necessary just to show us that we are going in the wrong direction.

Being good to one’s self and making sound life decisions is not just something we do to ourselves. It is also something we do for the sanity of those who love us. And having succeeded in our own tendencies to be stupid and put ourselves in a mess, we in turn get empowered to protect other people who are younger and need our positive influence.

With the many things I have done wrong in the past, that I still have friends who endure my heartaches with me is nothing short of a miracle… I just got lucky, I guess.

My Bed Says I.M.Y.

I have a new goal: sleep at least 7 hours every night again. I was able to do it while reviewing for the board exam. That was a hectic time of my life; why can’t I do it now that I am only required to do 8 hours of work? I’m addicted to Gab, to RockMelt, to my job to everything under the sun. The downside of having reality better than your dreams is that you find it so damn difficult to get some sleep. Always uppity uppity.

This is bad; I have gotten used to sleeping for 6 hours or less. I know that’s normal for some people. My friend nurse Leah even told me before that man’s actual average hours of required sleep is only 4 hours per day. But the excess is for rest. I don’t have enough of that lately! This is really not a good habit to cultivate. I did this in college, where I maxed myself out as a college student and working girl. Often, my body had to force me to get some rest by making me bedridden with a can-no-longer-be-ignored disease!

Since I swore to live a healthy and well-rested lifestyle, I made sure I catch my zzzz’s or forty winks or whatever you call it. I started to feel the effects this afternoon. I almost fell asleep on my new baby Camille!!!! Nooooooooooo… I love what I am doing. And by far, Camille is the most spiritually rewarding of all my baby manuscripts.

Oh, I have not introduced my new babies just yet.  I have two new baby manuscripts: Camille (another Philosophy book like Peewee but much more meaty!) and Britzky Spears (bwahahaha, pangalan pa lang, ma-excite ka nang basahin ang kalalabasan!)

Frose is progressing quite steadily but surely. Peewee is in the “teething” stage between me and the layout artist for inputting those bloody red corrections I made out of it.

They were not kidding when they said that publishing is a fast-paced industry! I am now juggling them together. And two of them are due for final submission by December 15. Go, go, go for the gold says my indirect boss this afternoon. I told her: Go not just for the gold. We also go for the platinum, the silver, the bronze, etc.

And so, the platinum, the silver, the bronze, the gold and whatever I can go for in meeting these fast-paced publishing deadlines bids me to click the Publish button, Shut down my dear Gab and climb up to my soft, wide bed. Hmmm. Sounds good.

Good night friends! :mrgreen: I am so looking forward to regularizing my sleeping patterns again!