>These days have been far from being idle. I have meetings here and there, tasks to do for different people. And yes, my own personal promise to pamper myself comes up from time to time.

Who would ever think I am unemployed fulltime at the moment? Even watching glee on TV is becoming a rarity.

I had this lifestyle prior to taking the board exam. I practically filled my calendar to the brim and it was super stressful.

Surprisingly, I am supposed to be stressed by my four part time stints. But I am not.

Since I started resuming my mental prayer routine in the morning, there is a certain quieting of my mind that makes everything seem to run serenely.

Sure, there are kinks for a couple of minutes just as a good dress has small wrinkles that can be ironed out over time. There are minor irritations like smelly bus seatmates and a troubled atm user ahead in the line who tried to withdraw money for the nth time and the nth minute.

Yet… Things fall into place. Thankful for the Hand that holds everything with me. For that fifteen minutes I spend each morning mentally aligning myself to Him, the rest of the 24 hours just work out fine. I no longer seem to need more than 24 hours a day even when tasks seem to swimmingly wade up my neck.

I also noticed that I only get bothered when I try to pattern myself in a certain way or compare myself to others. There are ideal principles, but each person’s path is marked out differently.

The pie of the world’s resources is more than enough for everyone. No need to hoard; no need to get worried if somebody gets a good break while I still patiently wait for my turn in the sidelines.

My friend’s stepmom’s words still resonates in my ear even months after our last conversation.. “People and relationships are more important than things.”

And it was so true. 🙂

Much of life’s sweetest moments are not in the tempered chocolates that delight the senses for a moment; the sweetest moments are those when kindness and love is sown to one’s self and to others.

Made a point to include sowing kindness to one’s self because some people seem to forget that duty.

I try not to jump up and down when thinking of that dream job that is so close but so far at the same time. I just try to sit still and relish where I am now.

Enjoying the journey while I pine for the destination. Unruffled, at that.

>Eat Pray Love

>”Ruin is a gift. It is a road to transformation. And we must be always prepared for waves of transformations.”
-elizabeth gilbert, epl.

I spent my morning with mom and harvey, and the afternoon with my girl pals carol, mitch and ann rosette. We are the C.H.A.R.M. group during our freshie days in U.P. It stands for the letters of our names, aside from what I hope to be the female charm we four have in common.

It was so much fun meeting with them. And I have been dying to watch EPL since two weeks ago. J’ai de la chance; the movie was still showing at Trinoma Cinema 2! And I feel a bit sorry for being insistent to watch it. Rosette had something else in mind, but I believe they enjoyed my pick. Haha.

Hours flew by with them. Wasn’t it only yesterday when Carol was freshly married or Mitch was chubby wearing her hiphop shorts in school or Rosette hardly wearing any makeup or fancy clothing… And me, well, there were a lot of changes too…

Now, Carol is hands on raising my English speaking inaanak who wins contests. Manang mana kay ninang… Rosette is almost in marital bliss; she looks great and has become a girly girl even with her outfits. And Mitch is now wearing braces, lost all of her baby fats and looks ravishing.

I hope I looked better too, as they are. But I settled with blending in for the recovery might add some years to my aura for awhile.

There were some promises for future sleepovers and making this a monthly thing. I am so looking forward to that.

The realizations from the Julia Roberts movie deserves another post made when my brain is at its freshest best…

Meanwhile, I shall bask in the art of doing nothing.
Let’s cross over… Later. Haha.

>park bed and breakfast hotel

>After a painful decision of ending a romance, my balm of healing came from a hotel room. No, it is not what you think. I spent the night in Malibay’s new hotel with my mom and sister Harvey.
There is something about being alone…
The allure of solitude beckoned to me once again, like a tiger licking its wounds so that it can spring much higher after its fall.
I savored each moment in transit. There was some intimate cord that makes Pasay’s streets seem so homey and unwelcome at the same time. I embrace the irony.
Aboard the train on my way to this place, I saw the pink hues of the sky along Jones Bridge at sunset. It was as if a huge pink cotton candy was swirled and flattened on the gray sky. Like a retarded child who accidentally did a masterpiece on canvass.
But God is no retard and He does not commit accidents…
I journey again back to being child like. Childlike, not childish.
There was once upon a time in my life where everything was filled with wonder. Where the mundane stuff like entering a mall seems like entering a cave of wonders.
Yesterday, I said goodbye to two dozens of roses that symbolized two people who desperately tried to make it work. At the expense of themselves. It was a romance that began and later departed from grace.
The pain will stay for awhile. The sting will come when Time bids the true signs that everything is now a thing of my sorry past.

But I know that things will get better. I might have some more of these days like here at the hotel now. Crying when no one is watching. And just watching other people and things the rest of the time.

It does not make sense now. It does not have to, really. When the puzzle pieces do not seem to form anything, glue all those brokenness with hope and faith.
They will get better. They have gotten better before. And in this life, the only legitimate action is to keep moving forward.

Life will be roses and chocolates anew when my time comes for it. And I will have my world of wonders again, hopefully never to be taken away again.

>long overdue


The idea is there. The inspiration is there. The places where I can submit the manuscript is readily accessible for me.
I already have somebody who will edit my first draft and a talented visual artist who volunteered to do the book cover for me.
There are even some people who promised to buy a copy already.
And yet, I am still lousily procrastinating!
I had begun two project ideas before. And a third one just emerged yesterday. Now I don’t know which of the three to pursue.
There are busier people who manage to sit down and do a page per day. They accomplish the entire thing in less than a year…
I should find a way to strap myself to a desk and chair.
I will just do it!

>decisions, decisions!

>today is a monumental day for me; everything inside of me is dictating that i document everything that happens from today. hence, a new blog. and hopefully, the last blog! haha.

i made a major decision this morning. and i emailed an important person this afternoon.
i said goodbye to a person i thought i will be spending the rest of my life with.
and i said hello to an old friend who became my enemy once because of an immature feud gone haywire.

it was not a very relaxing set of tasks today, but the struggle is worth it.
because it was for my peace of mind and promoting good vibes to planet Earth for the long term.

while my time is sandwiched in between part time gigs, i ruminate on the perfect path for my career.

i am an engineer who can write, and i don’t know exactly what it is that i want to do next. my being able to do these things at the same time can sometimes be a bane. because i don’t get to narrow down things that easily. but the perk is that i get the best of both worlds. and the options are just endless for me now…

today’s decisions are the stuff that the future will be made of.

this blog is anonymous, it’s new and it’s not SEO ranked.
i guess it is pretty safe to park my thoughts here and just see where my new adventure as an engineer will take me…
only the good internet diggers can dig through these thoughts hehe.

i don’t know if there will be readers
(i did have some followers on my FB notes, but i deactivated my FB this week. it will be dead for ten months and active again on august 2010.)

and in times of uncertainty, i only go back to that one thing which had me started to begin with: WRITING.

i know it will take me to the right place eventually. i am sure of it.

2000 step process

sister dee from carmel texted me last week. After my rant day yesterday, i had the privilege of reading again that message. And… Light bulb. I had a new idea to cheer me up.

the message said that thomas edison failed 2000 times before he got the light bulb right.

But he said those were not failures for it was simply a “2000-step process”…

Blimey, I got inspired.

So I am going to take my time in these things I cannot have. Who knows, mine can be a 10000-step process to finding the right place to start my career…

If the light bulb inventor did not complain, what right do I have to get pissed… Haha.

today i am on step 13… I’ll be counting my steps so that I can say the same thing he did with the many times it did not work out.

May fickle Fate smile upon me….

when bad things happen

Today is the day where things did not go right. I had to pay rent today and my landlady was at my neck already, texting me and emailing me about the money. I had to go to Unionbank today to figure out why my online banking feature is disabled. I only got there to discover a worse fact: my account was FROZEN.

And get this: FROZEN because their thank you letter ten months ago was not received in my address.

What kind of crap is that? Now, I couldn’t withdraw, much less close my bank account. I didn’t change residence. I was pretty much living in the same place for over twenty years now.

It got fixed just now. But it meant me staying there for almost three hours. Their customer care wasn’t exactly caring. They are paralyzed unless the Cebu office replies to their emails. And their manager was unbelievably evil. They had me wait there until they close.

I just felt so helpless there, while my landlady was probably fuming because I wasn’t able to shoot the money in her account. She probably hates me for something that was not really my fault.

For days, I tried to shoot the money. Had no idea that the whole account is frozen for almost a year now. Funny how all deposits are allowed but withdrawals cannot be made.

Anyway, it was a wasted day for me. I had tons of work in the Internet waiting for me but I was barely able to accomplish anything. Just because of a stupid thank you letter that did not get delivered to the right place.

Ever felt that way? so… Helpless. Unable to do something that could expedite the unfair hassle.

So there.

It was not entirely a bad day, per se. Bad things just happen. We don’t intend bad things to happen, but they just do…

people say it’s bad to be a pessimist. But i like the concept of secret optimist. The one who expects the worst but hopes for the best.

So these days my love life is a mess, my bank account needs a wrestling match to function well and i am unemployed still. These are not bad. These are CHALLENGES. I should adjust myself accordingly.

Can it be any worse? It can. Tomorrow, on my way to my interview, anything can happen.

I am expecting nothing. I am just hoping for the best.