changes

the fact that i’ve practically disappeared from public view doesn’t necessarily mean that i’ve killed my writing voice or something to that effect. i merely took time being invisible and i enjoyed every single minute of it. in fact, i have decided to lead a more private life. i mean, I never had a private life. my life has always been an open book, and as such, equally open to unimaginable public scrutiny and judgment, some of which are not quite accurate but spread like wildfire.

my days are mostly spent in school. i drown myself in my 17 unit academic load. i spend the rest of the time taking more chill pills to avoid being very sick again and miss out on the fun stuff of life because of it. typhoid fever coupled with asthma which lasted for a month is a good enough wake-me-upper for anyone who has been neglecting his or her health condition in lieu of stupid things not even worth giving time to.

i’m back on my feet again. i know this sounds familiar. one of my friends here recently had a life-changing situation during the time i was invisible. and i hope my friends here haven’t forgotten me yet… i’ve just started tagging them. so much can happen in the small time that you stop going online, i guess.

i stopped hanging out in the usual places. i wonder if i will ever want to hang out into those places again. i’m just consumed right now with the feeling of wanting to be anonymous, nomadic and tough as an alley cat.

but if anything else changes with the way i live my life, i will never trade the true friends i have. you know who you are… and i’m so grateful for the myriad acts of love that you have shown me no matter how many changes i undergo, regardless if you understand my decisions or not.

i’ve decided to stop trying to drink spilled milk or revive one-way relationships to which there is nothing to repair in the first place. i’d focus on those which remain. and i think it’s high time that i learn to love myself more and eventually gain the peace of mind i’ve always sought- and THAT doesn’t depend on what others think. i will never commit that mistake again.

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