SOME UPDATES yeah! had a blast with bibay at powerbooks greenbelt this morning. the workshop was about writing the personal experience article! ASTEG! learned so much… it’s really very exciting. and for bloggers like us, it would be very beneficial to make our life experiences something that’s highly publishable, not to mention profitable. at least, for an engineering student like me who is constantly and forcibly bombarded with the most techinical stuff on the planet, i call myself lucky to have a part time writing stint despite my lack of more formal training in writing. and i get to meet people like bibay pa! JACKPOT TALAGA! HEY BIBAY! LET’s DO THAT AGAIN AYT! I HAD SO MUCH FUN! And I hope when jobo comes home, the three of us can hang out in the same way we make constant tambay at each other’s blogs and update on each other’s affairs. I never thought having online friends would be this fun. got nice feedbacks from Jude, the guy who workshopped us (oh was that grammatically iffy or what? whatever!). They told me that my writing voice is “smart and witty”… and that there is humor in my writing… well, that just feels good to hear. Sometimes I tend to doubt my writing capabilities. I sometimes feel like my being published is just a stroke of luck and that I am not really good at it. Initially I felt so shy in reading my work during the exercises because I was the youngest. I did learn another thing, age doesn’t really matter when you have so much love and passion for the thing you do. despite the fact that i was freezing, thanks to Coffee Bean and my mini skirt, i am very happy with how much i’ve learned from the pinoywriters mini module workshop. then i went to meet my MCKUPAD batchmates at SM north in the afternoon. I so love them. Had a blast with Munchkin mark getting all too obsessed with the feng shui stuff, mummy analyn unwilling to share us her multiple mammary glands, my prodding of tart micx and his love life. ehem! (hey tart! I know you visit my blog sometimes so you better read this! lolz)… and of course, the long talks with jill always make my day! earl is silent as always! if there was anything restored post-breakup, it’s my day out and marathon chikahan galore with my gurlfriends. i get to spend more time with the things i used to do way back in high school until the start of college. i’m so happy that i got back to doing those stuff. and i promise to myself that the next time i get into a relationship, i won’t neglect my girl friends anymore or have myself conditioned to depending on a man 24/7. so much for that. i’ll try to apply naman the things i’ve learned from the workshop about imagery via a dreamy, and maybe fictionalized, trip down memory lane… disclaimer: some parts are ficitonalized and transcends time so don’t think too much of the sequencing. i might be referring to the same person in different time frames. or maybe i’m referring to ten people at a single time. you decide which is which. =) *==*==*==*== RANDOM QUERIES TO A DREAM… when you hold my hand, it seems like you’ll never let go of me. the way you smell my hair and watch over my every step communicates the things that for years, you never found easy to say… i fell in a dark and deep precipice of which i thought there was no exit… but you came rushing back and pulling me out of the quicksand before it consumed all of me. tattered and torn, you started taking me under your wing. you always did that. in the past, i have neglected you our of fear and my innate impulsiveness. yet you have forgiven me and continued to be there, quietly hiding in the shadows, waiting for your turn even with the uncertainty looming above you over my complexity. i never expected it to happen, but it did. the recklessness of my decisions are finally starting to catch up on me. fear is there, gripping me to the point of keeping me awake even in the most tiring days where i need to rest and rejuvenate. the past is like a demon that gnaws away at whatever confidence i have of myself. i don’t want history to repeat itself. and if there is a person i don’t want to hurt again, it has to be you. i feel like i have nothing worthy to give you as you give me everything that your heart felt like giving. there are those moments i reminisce every night before i go to sleep, how you naturally put my head on your shoulders and stroke my fiery tresses, how without words you make me feel at ease and relaxed whenever i feel tensed out and agitated over the many things I almost always burst to tell you, how you give the right hug at the very time i need it, and how you simply understand my constant chatter without having to lift a finger. i can never count the ways you make me feel special. those are the moments where i wish i could get frozen in time and not have to think of anything else but my happiness… where i would not think of the demons in my head that’s trying to eat at whatever is left of my hope or sanity. you seem to be the person i’m looking for. but a question remains… if you really knew everything about me, would you still do the same thing you’re doing… would you still love me even if i told you things that are not too good… would you still think of me as a precious gem if i told you the things i am afraid of telling other people… i may be the biggest motormouth you’ve ever met in your life, but even the most frequent talkers have skeletons in their own closets, painful experiences that they can never take away and left a big chunk of their hearts void, the healing of which seems to be taking a snail’s speed at the very least. there are some things that i have to tell you, even though it scares me to death what might happen after you knew about it. the side of me i hardly reveal to the big crowd awaits to be unveiled in your eyes… and revealing it would mean that the wounds would have to be cut anew… and the bleeding i have started to prevent efficiently threatens a comeback that will muddle everything else i have to begin with… it will leave me defenseless, like standing buck naked on a cold winter’s night. the past is a mess, the present is a big pending thing… and the future is uncertain. behind the determined lady trying to tough things out is a little girl who is afraid of being hurt anew… the little girl who has love to give but unsure of who to rightfully give it to… for fear that the trends she has set for herself in the past might materialize and sabotage the potential of a rewarding and long lasting thing she longs for all of her life. i need more time. please wait. i need your help. i hardly trust myself anymore because of the things i’ve done in the past. i don’t want to get back to that old frenzy. i want to make things right this time around. i don’t know if i’ll ever be able to measure up to what you give me, but i hope that whatever happens, you know how much you mean to me. i just can’t promise anything anymore at the moment. i think of all the pains and the complexities these words will entail, but whenever i recall your warmth, passion, desire, gentleness and incessant loving gestures… i think this will all be worth the risk and long wait. *==*==*==*==]]>

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