the things that most relax me

sino kaya dapat kong kausapin para makasali sa choir dito? I haven’t been playing the piano for quite some time na rin. Real musical hiatus. Maybe it’s the reason why I’m not feeling revved up these days. In case you don’t know, exercising my fingers in the different octaves of my antique Ludwig just has this relaxing effect on me. And I really wanted to take dance lessons. Weird. I have a long exam in physics tomorrow at ito pa ang iniintindi ko. I just feel so lazy all of a sudden. Maybe it’s because i found out that our final exam is on Friday…. yeah, two crucial exams in my waterloo subject in a single week… parang nawawalan ako ng lakas kapag iniisip ko yun. Kasi natatakot na naman akong bumagsak. These are the last two cannonballs I have for physics 72. It’s either a good hit or a fatal miss. No in-betweens, unless I strive to get a 4.0… syempre passing naman na aim ko di ba… lord, please remind me why I have to finish physics. nakakalimutan ko na naman yung goal ko. nawawalan na naman ako ng ganang magsipag sa mga subjects ko. During the time I got my second exam result with the wrong answer key- I was so disheartened when I was one point short of passing despite my studying efforts. Nung nagsimba ako talagang nagdasal na ako tapos sinabi ko na kung hindi talaga ako para sa course na ‘to sana mag-give ng way na maka-shift na talaga ako. At that time, I got to acquaint myself with many journ people and I didn’t like the things I discovered about them. I do not wish to elaborate on this, but it lowered the high respect I once had of the training being given in the journalism department. So parang sabi ko non, kahit saang course na lang ayos na wag lang super bagsak kahit pilit kong pagbutihan. my prayer got so answered. wrong answer key pala un so pumasa pala talaga ako. at least nasinagan na naman ako ng pag-asa na matatapos ko ‘tong course na ‘to… na baka kaya ko pala sa eng’g. My dad has lost his confidence na kaya ko dito sa eng’g since I took an LOA last sem. mawala na lahat ng tiwala sa kakayahan ko, pero alam ko hindi problema yun. The problem will only come when i actually start believing the labels people negatively attach to me. As long as I keep the hope alive in me, I won’t get lost. in a way, it’s a blessing to taste these failures because it really humbles me and plods me to do better and improve on my study habits. i was made to realize that you just can’t be the star all the time without really paying a big price (kagaya nung high school). and to be able to appreciate the heights you will reach eventually, you have to know what it’s like to be at the very bottom first. basta wag lang susuko, di ba? another thing, I long to take a vacation in Loreland, Antipolo. There’s this overlooking spot in the subdivision where I used to live (when mom was around). Actually, I was only allowed to go there twice. Once, with some Antipolo folks during the Simbang Gabi (’cause there was a chapel situated atop it), and the other was during a December sunset with my ex-boyfriend… natutuwa ako nababanggit ko na si ex na hindi ako galit- which means i am so released from the hate. anyway, i liked the place so much. it was so peaceful up there. i feel at peace when i’m there than in any other place on earth. i wish i could find my own paradise somewhere near my house. Nature just has this effect on me. Paintings are another source of delight for me, especially the abstract ones. I just love to stare at the swirls of colors in the canvass as I imagine, wonder what the world looks like in the eyes of great artists. I’d trade one of my big toes to borrow Michelangelo’s eyes for awhile… The writing assignment on Carlo Magno is really something I am looking forward to. sigh! i really need to sharpen my saw. one week na lang…]]>

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